Bush’s “No Child Left Jewish” Initiative To Go Before Congress

Washington - “I have a dream, too,” President Bush, addressing a crowd gathered at a ceremony honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said today. “And my dream is that no little child be victimized by the wanton presence of Judaism, and by the absence of the Lord Jesus Christ our savior in their lives.”

And with that, the president announced his plan to take a bold new initiative to Congress shortly after his second term officially begins. The No Child Left Jewish program would seek to ween out the practice of Judaism among the country’s young people. The program aims to have 25% of Judaism removed by 2010, 50% by 2015, and a full 100% reduction in the youthful practice of Judaism by the year 2025.

“I myself have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ,” the president continued. “It’s really… very personal. But not…not in that way.”

Asked by reporters after the ceremony how he thought Jewish groups would react, not mention powerful Jewish lobbies that wield significant power in Washington, Bush shrugged his shoulders. “See, the thing with that is, when He comes again, there won’t be anyone left but the believers. You see? Everyone else is gonna burn. There’s that, and, I mean, I already got reelected.”