Paris, France - President Bush is hopeful his European trip will help people here in France hate him less. As of now, they hate him a lot. Two women stand outside the Louvre continuously throwing up on a poster of Bush’s face.”It’s just, as much as I vomit, seeing his face makes me vomit more,” [...]
Washington - White House spokesman Scott McClellan announced yesterday that three people had come forward to say they still have faith in President Bush and his administration, specifically Bush’s claims about Social Security needing private accounts to be saved and his stance regarding Iran.
However, two of the people were soon found to be the [...]
New York, NY - James Eggleton, a 20-something corporate climber, just had a near shouting match with his wife of two years on his cell phone. He’s incredibly tired lately, he says, and is also angry for no reason, especially at the couple’s 8-month-old daughter. He is also drunk.
It’s 5:30 on a Thursday evening, and [...]
Washington - The Protrusion has obtained a copy of an email allegedly sent from Osama Bin Laden to Condoleezza Rice a week before the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
“It was from my Yahoo account,” Bin Laden said by telephone. “I don’t know what happened. I never heard back, nothing. I think it must have been put in [...]
Washington-Vice President Dick Cheney was treated for injuries to his larynx and stomach muscles last night, after laughing diabolically at President Bush’s proposed budget and the response to it.
“Vice President Cheney should make a full recovery, and was doing well when I left him last night,” said a White House medical technician who preferred to [...]
WASHINGTON—President Bush’s State of the Union speech tonight drove home one basic fact: this Union is fucking awesome.
The president noted that under his leadership we as a nation have spread freedom and democracy, saved many parts of the world from tyranny and oppression, increased jobs by the millions, and improved the level of education in [...]
Washington - President Bush announced a bold attempt to pull off a difficult political maneuver today, saying he wants to increase the financial retribution package given to families of war dead from $12,420 to $100,000 while also increasing the number of people killed in the war to over 500,000 by roughly this time next year.
“First, [...]
