President Bush threatened to veto a workplace health care bill proposed by leading Democrats Friday, unless those Democrats were able to guess how many fingers the president had held up behind his back.
Mansonville, OH - Republican presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani appeared before members of a steelworkers union here today having forgotten to wear his human being disguise, a suit of human-like skin which he wears for all public appearances. He walked on the stage to shrieks of horror and felt his face for the skin, which he [...]
The liberal website Moveon.org unleashed a flurry of coordinated roadside bomb attacks in the al-Anbar Province of Iraq, killing 17 United States soldiers and wounding five others.
“We hate the soldiers, and freedom, and the American way of life,” a statement released by Moveon.org said. “We will do all we can to defeat the evil forces [...]
Washington - In a nationally televised address tonight, President Bush attempted to distract a country concerned with the war in Iraq by performing a one-man puppet show.
“My fellow Americans, tonight I bring you good news,” Bush said. He then reached under his desk and pulled out two puppets, one red, one blue. He put one [...]
Washington - A top U.S. General in Iraq testified today that, while he doesn’t know whether or not the so-called troop surge in Iraq is achieving the desired results, he does know for a fact that the surge occurring in his pants is achieving its desired results, and then some.
Testifying in front of the Senate [...]
Washington - Senator Casey Dudd (R-KS) is facing increased scrutiny over his alleged involvement in the murder of a female assistant, Angela Umbert. Ms. Umbert was found chopped to pieces in Mr. Dudd’s Senate office here in Washington. The Senator has admitted he was in the office at the time of Ms. Umbert’s death, and [...]
Mos Eisley, Tatooine - The latest in a seemingly endless string of vicious battles erupted here today between Wookiee-Ewok Coalition forces and the relentless, ever-growing Jawa insurgency. 12 Ewoks were killed before the insurgents finally gave up and fled Mos Eisley and the town was once again secured by the Wookiee-Ewok forces. Chewbacca, leader of [...]
Former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer is, according to the man himself, “settling in nicely,” to his new role as a professional asshole. Fleischer heads the group Freedom’s Watch, which recently created a multimillion-dollar ad campaign in support of President Bush’s troop surge. The ads mainly play on Americans’ fears of another 9/11 type [...]
Washington - President Bush, though he doesn’t like to admit it, is looking ahead towards the end of his term. He’s already made plans for his time as a former president. This includes much more time with his family, specifically his parents, former president George H. W. Bush and wife Barbara. This also means time [...]
Branksburg, OH - Local priest Jonathan Goodell has not only spread the Word of God to this small, tight-knit community; he has also spread syphilis to the dozens of children he has molested.
“Well, at least if they’re going to get the sores and everything, they get the Word of Our Lord along with that,” Goodell [...]
