The National Protrusion

New York - The National Broadcasting Company announced today that, beginning January 9th, its Wednesday night prime-time lineup will feature the new reality show, “Can These Color Bars Last An Hour?” The program will be unscripted, and will consist mainly of color bars.

“It’s like a mystery show, really,” NBC Universal President and Chief Executive Officer Jeff Zucker said at a press conference where he announced the new Wednesday night lineup of shows. “It’s like a suspense thing. ‘Will the bars stay up the whole hour?’ I don’t know. Nobody knows! Whoo. I get a chill just thinking about it. The suspense.”

NBC, like the other major networks, have had to scramble as a result of the prolonged writers’ strike, which doesn’t appear to be reaching its end anytime in the near future. When asked if he thinks viewers will feel cheated by a show that seems to be missing many elements that make up the typical television show, Zucker said, “How could they feel cheated? It’s got everything. It’s got action, adventure, suspense. Lots of color. It’s like ‘Heroes,’ except with no actors or sets or scripts or anything. But does that mean it doesn’t have a story? No! It has a huge story: ‘Will those color bars stay up there or not?’ If that’s not suspense, man, I don’t know what is.”