2008 Election

The 2008 Presidential election has so far featured a woman, an African-American and a moose hunter.

Sarah Palin Offers Husband Todd to GOP in Bizarre Sacrificial Ceremony

In an unusual sacrificial ceremony, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin offered her husband Todd to GOP leaders in exchange for a political future within the party.

Smart Man Elected Somehow

Jeremy Montross, a stupid person from Michigan, was disappointed with the outcome of the election.

McCain Buys 3 Seconds of Air Time on Food Network

The campaign of Arizona Senator John McCain announced today that it had purchased three seconds of air time on the Food Network, during which time it will air an ad for the senator’s campaign.

Palin Pushes McCain Out of Campaign Plane

Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is trying to explain why she pushed Republican Presidential nominee John McCain off Mr. McCain’s campaign plane early this morning.

McCain Wanders Off Debate Stage and Into Undergraduate Physics Lecture

Senator McCain wound up in a physics classroom, located in the same building, where he sat in on part of a lecture being given to undergraduate students.

Couric to Palin: Do You Know We’re Recording This?

Several times during her exclusive interview with Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric asked Palin whether or not she was aware that the interviews were being taped, and that “other people would see them.”

Palin: This Financial Situation Needs a Good Scrubbin’ and a Cleanin’

Campaigning with Senator John McCain in Pennsylvania Monday, Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin told an invited audience of nearly 3,000 that Wall Street needed “a good old-fashioned scrubbin’.”

Biden Quits Race Because He Can’t See Russia From Delaware

Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden made a stunning announcement during a campaign stop today that he is leaving the race, effective immediately.

Edwards: I Only Slept with Kucinich Once

Former presidential candidate John Edwards told Brian Williams of NBC News that in addition to carrying on an affair with amateur filmmaker Rielle Hunter in 2006, he also had a tryst with fellow Democrat Dennis Kucinich the following year.

Oh, I’m Sorry, Mr. Obama, I Didn’t Realize You Were Running For President of Germany

The Mack Truck takes a break from his radio show to pen an opinion piece on Obama’s recent overseas trip.

McCain Invades Iran Himself

Presumptive Republican presidential candidate John McCain flew an F-18 Hornet into Iranian airspace today and dropped several 2,000 lb. bombs on what he thought were important military targets. The bombs were actually dropped into a cluster of camels in an otherwise abandoned stretch of desert.

McCain Opposes Newest McCain Proposal

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain said today he “strongly opposes” a proposal made by John McCain regarding nuclear energy.

McCain Hires Anti-Lobby Lobbying Firm

For his part, Senator McCain sees no hypocrisy at play in his hiring of the firm.

Clinton Will Accept VP Spot If She Can Be President Most of the Time

“If you use the ClintonTron to add the popular vote, as we did, I won more of the popular vote, as we’ve said over and over again,” Clinton said.

Obama: Crazy Pastors Just Seem to Love Me

Mr. Obama quit Trinity United Church of Christ after video surfaced of Rev. Michael Pfleger mocking Hillary Clinton during a guest sermon there.

Maverick McCain Orders Tuna Salad When Everyone Else is Getting Turkey

Republican presidential candidate John McCain reinforced his image as a maverick during a trip to a local deli.

Clinton: You’ll Have to Kill Me

Presidential Hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton erased any doubts about whether she would stay in the race for the Democratic nomination as long as she possibly can.

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey - Obama, Appeasement and Iran

The Mack Truck discusses Barack Obama’s stated intention to negotiate with Iran. It’s an excerpt from the May 19th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

McCain Thinks Everyone at Town Hall Meeting is Robert Downey, Jr.

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain mistakenly thought everyone attending a town hall meeting was the actor Robert Downey, Jr.

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey - John Hagee vs. Jeremiah Wright

An excerpt from the May 11th episode, in which the Mack Truck discusses the difference between Jeremiah Wright and John Hagee.

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - Socialized Medicine

In this excerpt from the May 5th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, the Truck talks about the Clinton and/or Obama health care plans, and how at heart they boil down to socialism.

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - McCain and Oil

An excerpt from the May 4th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, in which the Mack Truck discusses the uproar over recent comments made by Senator John McCain.

Hi! I’m Just Like You, Except I’m a Millionaire, a Senator and an ex-First Lady, and You’re None of Those Things

By Hillary Rodham Clinton

Premiere of Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - Obama’s Supporters

National Protrusion Television (NPTV) is proud to announce its partnership with popular conservative radio host Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey.

Maybe I’m Confusing People With This Message of Hope

By Barack Obama

Clinton Campaign Unveils New Strategy For Counting Pledged Delegates

The Clinton campaign announced a new, unorthodox system for counting pledged delegates.

Clinton: I’ll Kill Bin Laden With My Bare Hands

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton told supporters, “You mess with President Hillary Clinton, you get strangled to death and your blood sucked out of a hole where your face used to be.”

McCain Vows to Defeat Nazis and Japanese in Iraq

McCain only furthered suspicion that he might not be as certain of the realities of the ethnic and religious divisions within Iraq and the greater Middle East.

Clinton Ahead, If You Count Delegates Pledged in Her Mind

Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton told a crowd of supporters that she is in fact ahead in pledged delegates “if you count the ones that are pledged in my mind.”

Clinton Points Up Fighter Pilot Experience

Hillary Clinton said she is better equipped than rival Barack Obama to lead the country, in part because of her experience as a fighter pilot who participated in the NATO air strikes against Bosnian Serb military targets in 1995.

Clinton Challenges Obama to Cage Match

Hillary Clinton’s campaign released a statement challenging rival Barack Obama to a televised steel-cage wrestling match.

Russert Detains Obama for Further Questioning

Following the Democratic primary debate at Cleveland State University Tuesday night, NBC Washington bureau chief Tim Russert detained Barack Obama for several hours in a small room in the school’s main building, and forced him to answer additional questions.

Clinton Accuses Obama of Winning

Hillary Clinton today accused rival Barack Obama of, “Just winning all over the place.”

Romney Vows Continued Handsomeness

In California ahead of a Republican debate at the Ronald Reagan Library, Mitt Romney said voters can rely on him, “To be unwavering in my handsomeness.”

Fred Thompson Admits He Died Several Months Ago

Fred Thompson ended his presidential campaign today, then admitted to reporters that he actually died several months ago, and had been, “going through the motions” ever since.

Fred Thompson Elected President of His Imagination

It was during a campaign stop in Charleston today that Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson announced he had been elected president of his own imagination.

Attempting to Cry, Giuliani Vomits on Several Undecided Voters

Taking a cue from the campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton, Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani allegedly attempted to cry at a campaign event at the Hilton Hotel in Sarasota this morning, but wound up vomiting on several undecided voters seated near him at a large table.

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