The Best of 2008

Yes, it’s that time. A new year. So fresh, so new. Like fluffy laundry out of the dryer. Mmm.

Anyway, with the new year’s arrival, I thought it appropriate to look back at the best of The National Protrusion’s news articles of 2008, as chosen by me. There were literally hundreds of articles to choose from, and yes, I am impressed with that number. Let me say it again: hundreds. Mmm.

So here they are, listed below, for your reading pleasure. Disagree with the choices? Well, Mr. or Mrs. Smarty Pants, go ahead and visit the Articles Page or the Archives and see which ones you liked best. Then you can argue about why your brilliant choices should have made the list, because you’re so smart. How’s that sound?

The Editor

(listed oldest-to-newest)

• Harry Reid Arrested for Flashing His Stimulus Package
• Fred Thompson Admits He Died Several Months Ago
• Rumsfeld Holds Imaginary Press Conference in Basement
• Romney Vows Continued Handsomeness
• FBI Almost Certain Bin Laden Not Hiding in FBI Building
• Bush Announces Formation of Ends Justify The Ways and Means Committee
  
• Republican Congressman Suggests Simulated Drowning of Pelosi
• Trust Me, You Don’t Want Me Reaching Across the Aisle
• Bush’s Location Undisclosed to Bush
• Cheney Appoints Special Envoy to Dessert Tray
• Clinton Challenges Obama to Cage Match
• Bush Urges Nation to Wait for Rich Uncle to Call and Offer Large Cash Gift
• Bin Laden: You Will Pay for The Terrible ‘Garfield’ from Last Monday
• Bush Asks History to Preemptively Pardon Him
• McCain Vows to Defeat Nazis and Japanese in Iraq
• Gonzales Urges Local Subway to Implement Enhanced Sandwich-Making Techniques
• New DOJ Memo Gives Bush Authority to Torture Harry Reid
• Clinton: You’ll Have to Kill Me
• Gay Couples Marry, Prepare to Invade
• McCain Invades Iran Himself
• Bush Finally Reads Job Description
• In Lab Tests, Anthrax Spores Die When Exposed to Cheney
• Gonzales Shows Up at Justice Department Dressed as Mukasey
• Biden Quits Race Because He Can’t See Russia From Delaware
• Couric to Palin: Do You Know We’re Recording This?
• McCain Wanders Off Debate Stage and Into Undergraduate Physics Lecture
• Bush Unlikely to Get White House Security Deposit Back
• Smart Man Elected Somehow
• Cheney Refuses to Set Timetable for Withdrawal from White House
• Bush Asks to Be Graded on a Curve