Bush Will Pay French to Stop Calling Him ‘Le Ass’

Paris, France - President Bush is hopeful his European trip will help people here in France hate him less. As of now, they hate him a lot. Two women stand outside the Louvre continuously throwing up on a poster of Bush’s face.”It’s just, as much as I vomit, seeing his face makes me vomit more,” Sophie Luree said. Her partner was mid-vomit and could not talk.

But Luree and her counterpart may be pleased to know that President Bush announced today he would be willing to pay any French citizens who will publicly say they like him. So far, four people have come forward. Seven more are expected by week’s end, at which point Bush may increase the reward.

“I’m hopeful,” Bush said outside a meeting with French President Jacques Chirac. “Everyone likes money. That may want to, you know, puke on me, call me ‘le ass’ or however they say it. But when they see that money, they may change their mind.

Chirac, asked why he was smiling, said, “Well, what do you think? They do hate him. I can see why they hate him. ‘Ass’ fits, no? Oui.”