Politics

The National Protrusion.com

New Hampshire Residents Terrified Rick Santorum Might Try to Connect with Them Personally

GOP hopeful Rick Santorum, buoyed by a close second-place finish in the Iowa Caucus, now looks towards New Hampshire. But if Santorum is excited, New Hampshire residents are something else — terrified.

Absurd Amount of Puns Available in Weiner Fiasco Disturbs Comedians

Many comedians are wary of the many puns available to them when mocking the Anthony Weiner debacle. “It feels like a trap,” one said.

Congressman Voting His Conscience, or Whatever That’s Called

Representative Jason Armon, Democrat of Virginia, announced Saturday he is changing his vote on health care reform legislation from ‘no’ to ‘yes.’

Palin Pens Exquisite, Nuanced Facebook Update

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin posted what is being hailed as a “masterpiece” of the genre of Facebook status updates Tuesday, wowing both literary critics and fans alike.

Illegal Immigrant Will Take Over as Host of ‘Lou Dobbs Tonight’

A spokesman for CNN has confirmed that Luis Gonzalez, an immigrant who illegally crossed the border from Mexico into the United States in 2005, will take over the reigns as host of ‘Lou Dobbs Tonight,’ effective immediately.

Senator Hopes to Give Corporations More Rights than Gay Couples

Senator James Inhofe, Republican of Oklahoma, recently declared it his mission as a lawmaker “to see that corporations can do everything they want, and that gay couples can do almost nothing that they want.”

Olympia Snowe Leaving ‘Gang of Six’ to Pursue Solo Career

A publicist for Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine confirmed that the senator is leaving the so-called ‘Gang of Six’ senators to pursue a career forming legislation outside the group.

Democrats, Republicans Confident They Can Get Something Awful to the President Soon

Showing true bipartisan spirit, Democrats and Republicans from both the House and the Senate say they’re ratcheting up a joint effort to deliver to President Barack Obama “some terrible, God-awful legislation” in a timely manner.

Sources: Grassley May Be Biased Against Public Health Plan Because He’s Already Dead

“He doesn’t understand the perspective of living people, and I almost got the feeling he held it against them that they need medical attention.”

Insurance Industry Executives Negotiate Health Care Bill While Senate Is On Vacation

Executives from the health insurance industry are negotiating health care legislation in place of vacationing senators, specifically taking up the work of the Senate Finance Committee, according to people with knowledge of the ongoing meetings and members of the committee.