Entries Tagged as 'Politics'

Monday, March 24th, 2008

Clinton Points Up Fighter Pilot Experience

Hillary Clinton said she is better equipped than rival Barack Obama to lead the country, in part because of her experience as a fighter pilot who participated in the NATO air strikes against Bosnian Serb military targets in 1995.

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

Clinton Challenges Obama to Cage Match

Hillary Clinton’s campaign released a statement challenging rival Barack Obama to a televised steel-cage wrestling match.

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

Romney Vows Continued Handsomeness

In California ahead of a Republican debate at the Ronald Reagan Library, Mitt Romney said voters can rely on him, “To be unwavering in my handsomeness.”

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

Fred Thompson Admits He Died Several Months Ago

Fred Thompson ended his presidential campaign today, then admitted to reporters that he actually died several months ago, and had been, “going through the motions” ever since.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Attempting to Cry, Giuliani Vomits on Several Undecided Voters

Taking a cue from the campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton, Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani allegedly attempted to cry at a campaign event at the Hilton Hotel in Sarasota this morning, but wound up vomiting on several undecided voters seated near him at a large table.

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

The National Protrusion is Sort of Liveblogging the ABC New Hampshire Debates

I’m trying this out. I’ve never live-blogged before, so you may have to bear with me. And it’s also not really live, it’s just live on the West Coast.

Monday, December 31st, 2007

Clinton Vows to Pretend to Fight Status Quo

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton vowed to, “Pretend to fight the status quo that exists in Washington. I know that’s what the people of America want, and I intend with every fiber of my being to act like I’m doing that.”

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

Edwards Slashes Clinton’s Tires

Presidential candidate John Edwards admitted today that he slashed the tires of rival candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign bus early Tuesday morning.

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

Forgetting Human Disguise, Giuliani Appears On Stage as Giant Reptile

Mansonville, OH - Republican presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani appeared before members of a steelworkers union here today having forgotten to wear his human being disguise, a suit of human-like skin which he wears for all public appearances. He walked on the stage to shrieks of horror and felt his face for the skin, which he [...]

Thursday, March 10th, 2005

Nader Enters Fifth Grade Student Council Election

Akron, Ohio - Former presidential candidate Ralph Nader entered Arondale Elementary School’s fifth grade student council elections Wednesday, then quickly jumped ahead of the former front-runner, ten-year-old Timmy Madigan. In an instant tracking poll taken Wednesday afternoon, Nader led Madigan by 82 points.
“What can I say,” the 2000 Green Party candidate said. “The kids love [...]