Rahm Emanuel Quietly Strangles Cleaning Woman Who Saw Classified Documents
Mr. Emanuel said the strangling, “Went off without a hitch,” and he was back at work within a half hour.
Pelosi Has Not Returned From Meeting at CIA Headquarters
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has not been seen or heard from since leaving for a meeting with CIA Director Leon Panetta at the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, Virginia this afternoon.
Senator Shitonface Urges Passage of Name-Change Legislation
Senator Walter Shitonface (D-WI) urged his senate colleagues to swiftly pass a bill to ease the process of officially and legally changing one’s name in the United States.
Obama Lobs Fruit at Geithner During White House Budget Meeting
During a meeting on the 2010 budget, President Obama repeatedly threw various pieces of fruit at Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner.
Miscommunicated Talking Points Cause Republicans to Condemn ‘Hairless Spending’
In what is assumed to be a miscommunication in the relaying of the day’s talking points, several prominent Republicans condemned what they referred to as “hairless spending” proposed by President Obama.
Senator Finds Rahm Emanuel Waiting For Him in Darkened Parking Garage
Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska said today that he had an odd and unsettling late-night encounter with White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel Thursday night.
Republicans Filibuster Democrats’ Lunch Plans
Senate Democrats were shocked when Republican Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina led a filibuster of their proposal to attend T.G.I. Friday’s for lunch.
Republicans Warn of Giant Government Attacking Populace with Contraceptives
House Republicans today warned the people of Washington, D.C. that they are at risk of attack from “a gigantic government wielding several types of contraceptives.”
Bush Joins Obama Team as White House Handyman
President-elect Barack Obama announced today that President Bush will continue to work in the White House after Mr. Obama’s inauguration on January 20th – Mr. Bush will take over as White House Handyman.
Obama Asking Himself Who Would Be The Most Hilarious CIA Director
“I want someone really funny, just side-splitting hilarity,” Obama said, as he jotted notes during lunch, before a meeting with top members of his transition team.
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