Washington – It was revealed yesterday that former Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales has recently been spending much of his time urging a nearby Subway restaurant to implement new, enhanced sandwich-making techniques. Gonzales said the techniques would “greatly increase the rate and success of sandwich-making.”
“I’m telling you, the way you’re doing things now is just [...]
Following a dinner at the White House last night, Vice President Dick Cheney appointed 19-year-old Donnie Jansen Special Envoy to the Dessert Tray, and quickly dispatched him to “work out the issue of what to have for dessert.”
The task force will investigate alleged acts of curiosity on the part of American citizens, reports of which have circulated on the internet.
Shortly before the House recessed yesterday, Republican Congressman Ander Crenshaw of Florida suggested that Congress might better understand whether the much-debated practice of waterboarding was torture, if the Congress was treated to a demonstration of a simulated drowning, using House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as the fill-in for a detainee.
President Bush today announced the formation of a new House committee, the main function of which will be to condone the actions undertaken by the executive branch by holding up their end goals as justification.
President Bush today signed a bill which folds the Department of Education into the Department of Defense.
Visiting Whatman Elementary School to promote after-school literacy programs, President Bush warned the children there that they are in, “Grave, never-ending danger.”
