The National Protrusion

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad demanded in a speech today that he receive, from the United States, “The most moist piece of cake that there is.”

Washington - A top U.S. General in Iraq testified today that, while he doesn’t know whether or not the so-called troop surge in Iraq is achieving the desired results, he does know for a fact that the surge occurring in his pants is achieving its desired results, and then some.
Testifying in front of the Senate [...]

Mos Eisley, Tatooine - The latest in a seemingly endless string of vicious battles erupted here today between Wookiee-Ewok Coalition forces and the relentless, ever-growing Jawa insurgency. 12 Ewoks were killed before the insurgents finally gave up and fled Mos Eisley and the town was once again secured by the Wookiee-Ewok forces. Chewbacca, leader of [...]

Washington - A report released today by the National Intelligence Estimation Committee of Oversight of Intelligence Estimation claims that more people than previously thought want, “All Americans wiped off the face of the Earth. Even Native Americans.”
The report cited the continued threat of Al Qaeda, both Al Qaeda Classic, the type which attacked the United [...]

MOSCOW - In what is shaping up to be the roller coaster romance of the summer, U.S. President George Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin ran through all the many permutations of their heated romance while Bush was in Moscow to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over Nazi Germany in World War [...]

President Bush made what many see as a radical proposal this weekend to curb rising oil prices, suggesting that the United States and other nations use their military to halve the Chinese population, thereby considerably reducing demand for oil.

God’s son Jesus appeared before a small group of reporters in an impromptu press conference on the corners of Lafayette and Bleeker streets in Manhattan’s Greenwich Village on Easter Sunday, and took the opportunity to reprimand the human race.