Bush: Bolton Should Be Confirmed on Basis of Moustache Alone
“Yeah, I just think it’s as good a reason as any,” the president told reporters on the White House lawn.
Bush, Putin Make Out, Fight, Make Out
The two world leaders broke up and made up no less than ten times during Bush’s visit, volleying from hate to love, from passion to cold neglect.
Boring Current Wars Hindering Ability to Fight Exciting New Ones
Because the U.S. military is engaged in wars in both Afghanistan and Iraq, it may not be able to quickly win the new wars the Bush administration plans to start, according to a report given to Congress by Air Force Gen. Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Jesus: You Guys Fucking Suck
God’s son Jesus appeared before a small group of reporters in an impromptu press conference on the corners of Lafayette and Bleeker streets in Manhattan’s Greenwich Village on Easter Sunday, and took the opportunity to reprimand the human race.
Bush to Save World, Drill It For Oil
The U.S. Senate voted 51-49 to approve oil drilling in an Alaskan wildlife refuge.
President Still Best at “Pick an Awful Nominee”
President Bush’s streak of picking nominees with precisely the opposite qualifications than what are needed for their respective posts is alive and well.
Bush Will Pay French to Stop Calling Him ‘Le Ass’
President Bush is hopeful his European trip will help people here in France hate him less.
Bin Laden Email to Rice About Attacks Caught in Spam Folder
Washington – The Protrusion has obtained a copy of an email allegedly sent from Osama Bin Laden to Condoleezza Rice a week before the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
“It was from my Yahoo account,” Bin Laden said by telephone. “I don’t know what happened. I never heard back, nothing. I think it must have been put in [...]
Administration Confidence in Awe, Shock Still High
The Bush administration isn’t ready to give up on the nouns “awe” and “shock,” even while admitting the words have not lived up to initial administration expectations.
Bush Does Math in Press Conference; Universe Implodes
At approximately 10:50 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, the president began a sentence with the phrase, “As dictated by just math.”
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