Cheney Vows to Remain in Secret White House Cave-Chamber Throughout Obama’s Tenure
November 5, 2008
Washington – Vice President Dick Cheney said today that he has no plans to leave his secret chamber, located somewhere within or near the White House, once Barack Obama begins his term as U.S. President in late January. “I will not be leaving,” Cheney said, when reached in the chamber by telephone. “And no one will make me leave. They couldn’t do that, even if they wanted to. There is one hidden door to the chamber, and only one other person knows of this door. And by the time Obama takes over, that person will be — Well, let’s just say they’re very…accident prone.”
Cheney’s secret cave-chamber is different from his now-infamous “undisclosed location,” which is an underground bunker located in Blue Ridge Summit, Pennsylvania. The chamber is stocked with vial upon vial of the life forces of hundreds of young children, which, along with the increased levels of oxygen in the chamber, help keep Cheney alive. This is part of the reason the Vice President is so resistant to the idea of leaving the chamber.
“First of all, they would never have even know I was in here, if you people in the damn press hadn’t uncovered it. I’ve been here since the Nixon administration. No one knew for decades. With the resources I’ve put in place here, I can stay for a hundred more years, perhaps longer. And mark my words, I will stay. No one will find this chamber. Not now, not ever.”
President Bush, told of Cheney’s plan, said, “Well, if he’s staying, I’m staying. I’ll stay in the playroom. In the back where the TVs and the games are. It’s only fair. If he gets a secret chamber thing, I should at least get the playroom.”
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The only way to smoke him out of his cave that I can think of is to locate the shut-off valve for the tubing that Count Vader has connected to the network of Children’s Hospitals, from which he derives his daily infusion and blood supply from our nation’s unsuspecting youngsters who are told that the plasma being extracted from them is for the purpose of labratory tests.
Comment by What's A Vampire To Do? — November 17, 2008 @Did anybody else ever notice after Darth goes missing periodically that when he returns to the spotlight his pallor changes and he exudes a rosy well-oxygenated appearance and glow about him? Concurrently of course, one may also notice a downtick in healthy, living, breathing infants, toddlers, and young children, but a vampire’s gotta do what a vampire’s gotta do…do ya think?