Clinton Ahead, If You Count Delegates Pledged in Her Mind

Muncie, Indiana - Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton told a crowd of supporters here today that she is in fact ahead in pledged delegates “if you count the ones that are pledged in my mind.” The crowd cheered loudly at the declaration, but a moment later grew silent, seeming to take in the full scope of what Mrs. Clinton had just said.

She continued, “Yes. That’s right. You heard me. And I know you’ll agree that in this country, in this country we count every vote, every delegate. Even the ones that supposedly, ‘don’t exist.’ Don’t let them hook you in with that kind of scare tactic. These delegates exist, all right. They exist right up here,” she said, pointing to her head.

Following the speech, she spoke briefly with reporters. One asked, “Mrs. Clinton, do you honestly suggest that delegates that are pledged solely in your mind should count as much as, say, a delegate who is pledged in the actual, physical world?”

Mrs. Clinton seemed taken back by the question, and looked around exaggeratedly. “Hello? Hello? Is this America? Are we in America?” she asked, then turned back to the reporters. “I certainly hope they would count. I mean, come on. They’re pledged. What does it matter where they’re pledged? See, this is the kind of, ‘one place is superior to the other’ attitude that is really hurting this country.”

The reporter countered, “But this isn’t like the difference between Kansas and New York. This is the difference between a place that exists and…and a place that doesn’t.”

“Oh, oh, I see. I see,” Mrs. Clinton responded. “So my mind doesn’t exist. I see. I have no mind. And then you wonder why I and others sometimes think I’m not quite getting a fair shake from the press. Why don’t you go ask Senator Obama if he needs another pillow?”