February2005

The National Protrusion.com

Bush Will Pay French to Stop Calling Him ‘Le Ass’

President Bush is hopeful his European trip will help people here in France hate him less.

3 People Still Have Faith in President, Administration

Two of the people were soon found to be the twin daughters of President Bush, and the third person is Samuel Fellmann, a man with a history of mental illness who remains convinced the earth is made of cheese.

Alcohol Still The Best Solution

New York, NY – James Eggleton, a 20-something corporate climber, just had a near shouting match with his wife of two years on his cell phone. He’s incredibly tired lately, he says, and is also angry for no reason, especially at the couple’s 8-month-old daughter. He is also drunk.
It’s 5:30 on a Thursday evening, and [...]

Bin Laden Email to Rice About Attacks Caught in Spam Folder

Washington – The Protrusion has obtained a copy of an email allegedly sent from Osama Bin Laden to Condoleezza Rice a week before the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
“It was from my Yahoo account,” Bin Laden said by telephone. “I don’t know what happened. I never heard back, nothing. I think it must have been put in [...]

Cheney Injures Larynx Laughing Diabolically

Vice President Dick Cheney was treated for injuries to his larynx and stomach muscles after laughing diabolically at President Bush’s proposed budget and the response to it.

The Union Is Bitchin’

The president noted that under his leadership we as a nation have spread freedom and democracy, saved many parts of the world from tyranny and oppression, increased jobs by the millions, and improved the level of education in the country, among many other things.

Bush to Increase Money for War Dead, War Dead

According to experts, the $12420 gratuity payment was enough to take one child to the dentist twice.

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