Rice Traded to France for a Functionary To Be Named Later
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was traded to France today for a functionary to be named later and several bureaucratic draft picks.
Bush Announces Formation of Ends Justify The Ways and Means Committee
The main function of the new House committee will be to condone the actions undertaken by the executive branch by holding up their end goals as justification.
Decorator of the Interior Testifies He Wants to Just Burn Those Hideous Drapes Right Now
Mark Focalm, Decorator of the Interior, testified before a Congressional committee today that he is, “Just sickened by the hideous drapes and the God-awful rug in that place.”
FBI Almost Certain Bin Laden Not Hiding in FBI Building
Robert S. Mueller III, Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigations, announced today that the FBI is, “At long last, and after much back-breaking effort, reasonably certain that Osama Bin Laden is nowhere within FBI Headquarters.”
Department of Education Folded Into Department of Defense
President Bush today signed a bill which folds the Department of Education into the Department of Defense.
Bush to School Children: You’re All in Grave Danger
Visiting Whatman Elementary School to promote after-school literacy programs, President Bush warned the children there that they are in, “Grave, never-ending danger.”
Congress Convenes Extra-Special Session
Congress today convened its first-ever Extra-Special Session.
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