Chinese Govt. to Add Caning Competition to Olympic Games
The Caning Competition will pit international competitors against one another to see who can cane, whip or flog a political protester the most times in thirty seconds.
Al Qaeda Would Love Your E-mails to Remain Private
by Michael B. Mukasey
Delta to Offer Discount Seating on Wings
Delta Airlines announced today it would offer special discounted seating to passengers willing to sit on the wings of its planes.
From the Archives: President to Outline Plan to Outline Plan
White House spokesman Scott McClellan announced today that President Bush plans to unveil “an outline of his plan to create an outline for a plan” during a nationally televised address Sunday night. McClellan said the address would “make clear the President has a clear and discernible plan for creating a bold, far-reaching outline for a [...]
From the Archives: Bush Threatens Veto Unless Reid and Pelosi Can Guess How Many Fingers He’s Holding Up
Washington – President Bush threatened to veto a workplace health care bill proposed by leading Democrats Friday, unless those Democrats were able to guess how many fingers the president had held up behind his back. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada co-sponsored the so-called Workplace Wellness Bill, which would [...]
From the Archives: President Announces National Mediocre Spelling Week
Washington – At a brief press conference on the White House lawn Wednesday afternoon, President Bush declared next week National Mediocre Spelling Week, which will highlight unusual or incorrect spelling and pronunciation among the nation’s youth. The week will officially begin on the Monday following Thanksgiving, and run until the following Monday. “I was thinking [...]
From the Archives: Straight Idiots Free to Marry, Reproduce at Will
KANSAS CITY, Kansas – Kansas voters yesterday approved an amendment to their state constitution banning gay marriage, with roughly 70% voting for the amendment and only 30% opposing. Meanwhile, Tennessee residents approved the “Multiply With Whiskey Not Math” provision, as it was nicknamed in local papers, which allows stupid Tennesseans to marry and have children [...]
From the Archives: Bush, Putin Make Out, Fight, Make Out
MOSCOW – In what is shaping up to be the roller coaster romance of the summer, U.S. President George Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin ran through all the many permutations of their heated romance while Bush was in Moscow to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over Nazi Germany in World War [...]
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