March2009

The National Protrusion.com

Bernanke Testifies That Ben Bernanke is Pretty Sick of Testifying

Appearing before the House Financial Services Committee, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke testified that “Ben Bernanke is frankly pretty sick of testifying to committees like these.”

What This Economy Needs is to Win the Lottery

by Rep. Chip Daniels (D-MD)

Obama Announces He’s Waiting till Sweeps Week to Fix Economy

Mr. Obama said that he knows the move requires patience on the part of the American people, but that it will pay off “when we get super-galactic ratings.”

Ask Congress: The AIG Bonuses

The National Protrusion is proud to debut Ask Congress, a series where members of the United States Congress answer questions on a given topic.

Treasury: Okay, Who’s Good With Numbers?

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner held a press conference today to announce a need on the part of the Treasury for “people good with numbers, figures, economics – things of that nature.”

Alberto Gonzales Discovered Living on Pine Cones in White House Storage Shed

Former United States Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was discovered in a storage shed behind the White House Saturday by security personnel.

Miscommunicated Talking Points Cause Republicans to Condemn ‘Hairless Spending’

In what is assumed to be a miscommunication in the relaying of the day’s talking points, several prominent Republicans condemned what they referred to as “hairless spending” proposed by President Obama.

CIA: U.S. No Longer Under Threat From VHS Tapes

Former Director of the Central Intelligence Agency Porter Goss said today that because of the agency’s efforts, the United States was “no longer under threat from VHS tapes or any other form of analog media.”

My Mother and Father Must Start Lending Again

This parent-child economy only works if there is lending from the parent to the child.

Obama Asks Biden How $10 Million for Skittles Got Into Budget

President Barack Obama asked Vice President Joe Biden what he knew about how a provision allocating $10 million to the purchase of Skittles, a popular candy, made its way into Mr. Obama’s proposed budget.