Obama Names Larry Brillstein Secretary of Panic
President Obama announced his appointment of Larry Brillstein as Secretary of Panic at the White House Thursday afternoon.
Obama Tells Graduates to Lower Expectations
“This is not a time to be a dreamer,” Mr. Obama said.
Murder Suspect Starts Website, Makes Video, Asks for Coffee
Murder Suspect James Tummult, who has been a fugitive from justice since May 14th, has started a website called I Didn’t Kill Ed (ididntkilled.com).
Consumer Self-Confidence at All-Time Low
The Commerce Department said Tuesday the Consumer Self-Confidence Index sank to 38.1, an all-time low.
Pelosi Has Not Returned From Meeting at CIA Headquarters
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has not been seen or heard from since leaving for a meeting with CIA Director Leon Panetta at the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, Virginia this afternoon.
Obama Fails to Keep Country Safe From Dick Cheney
“I have to look at it honestly and objectively, and when I do that, I see that I haven’t done the job,” the president said.
Guantanamo Detainee Suggests Moving Guantanamo Detainees to Ramada Inn
Nazirr says the 240 detainees could be moved to a Ramada Inn off I-95 in Maryland.
Murder Suspect Calls Police to Ask if He’s a Murder Suspect
Police are searching for 33-year-old James Tummult of Montereyville, a man they are referring to as the “prime suspect” in the murder of 35-year-old Ed Hipps, also from Montereyville.
Senator Shitonface Urges Passage of Name-Change Legislation
Senator Walter Shitonface (D-WI) urged his senate colleagues to swiftly pass a bill to ease the process of officially and legally changing one’s name in the United States.
Biden Keeps Challenging World Leaders to Arm-Wrestle
Vice President Joe Biden has alarmed President Barack Obama and other members of the Obama administration in recent days.