January2012

The National Protrusion.com

Bill That Would Result in Death of Majority of Americans Falls Three Votes Short in Senate

The bill was defeated in a 52-48 vote. It would have disallowed every American except the top two percent of earners from seeking access to oxygen.

New Hampshire Residents Terrified Rick Santorum Might Try to Connect with Them Personally

GOP hopeful Rick Santorum, buoyed by a close second-place finish in the Iowa Caucus, now looks towards New Hampshire. But if Santorum is excited, New Hampshire residents are something else — terrified.

NYPD Officers Pepper-Spray One Another at Annual Retreat

Officer Reginald Taylor, originally from Queens, was declared the winner after besting a total of eight opponents.