The Mack Truck

HMTHS - Henry Goes to Therapy

The Mack Truck attempts to answer his critics, who have asserted that he needs “professional help.” Henry visits a professional, but it doesn’t go as he had planned.

Podcast: Download

Election Reaction - The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

The Mack Truck tells a caller he’s not upset about the outcome of the election. But is he telling the truth? A transcript is below the video.

More Mack Truck Episodes »

HENRY: Yes, this is the Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome aboard.

Had a little break there. Short hiatus after the election.

Don’t worry. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong here. I wasn’t losing my mind or anything like that. I didn’t have a “breakdown,” or whatever the liberal elites on the coasts call it.

I’m not angry at all. Really okay, fine.

First caller is Dave from Silver Lake. Dave, go ahead. You’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, I just want to say, I voted for Obama, and–

HENRY: Wait, you–Dave, you voted for Obama?

Dave, just give me one reason–Just give me one reason why you voted for Obama.

CALLER: I thought he had a better grasp on the economy, and–

HENRY: Oh, yeah. “Better grasp on the economy.” Yeah, yeah. That’s a good theory. Let me tell you something, Dave. Voting for Obama, you know what that is? That’s Country Third. Voting for McCain, Country First. Voting for Obama, Country Third.

CALLER: Oh, is that so?

HENRY: Yeah, it is. Voting for Obama puts the country behind Socialism, Marxism, and spreading the wealth around.

CALLER: Well, that would be country fourth. So you don’t even know what you’re talking about.

HENRY: Oh, I don’t know what I’m talking about? Let me tell you what I’m talking about, Dave, okay? We could have had a beautiful Alaskan princess in the White House! She could have been Vice President! She would have been on TV every day! I could have seen her every day. And everyone wants change, change, change. Kick, ball, change. All over the place, blah, blah, change, change. You know what’s change? A hot, Alaskan, moose hunting mama in the White House. That’s change I can believe in!

CALLER: I thought you weren’t angry.

HENRY: I’m upset! It’s different!

Podcast: Download

Is Obama Really Visiting His Sick Grandmother? - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

In this excerpt from Wednesday’s show, The Mack Truck investigates the real reason Barack Obama plans to leave the campaign trail. A transcript follows the jump.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

Very pleased to have with us today a representative of the Obama campaign. Harold Lauderdale, very brave of you to come on the show, stand in the path of The Mack Truck. So, thank you for being here.

LAUDERDALE: Of course. You have the best show on radio.

HENRY: Oh, thank you. That’s very kind of you. Now, I know you may be a bit shaken, having to sit in for this interview.

LAUDERDALE: I’m very scared, because you’re such a tough interviewer.

HENRY: That’s right. I don’t do small talk and I don’t shy away from the hard questions.

(pause)

I said, “I don’t do small talk and I don’t shy away from the hard questions.”

LAUDERDALE: Oh–yes, yes. I’ve seen you. They don’t call you The Mack Truck for nothing.

HENRY: No. No, they don’t.

All right. Let’s get down to it, Mr. Lauderdale. This week, Senator Obama announced he would be leaving the campaign, starting tomorrow, supposedly to visit his sick grandmother.

LAUDERDALE: That’s correct.

HENRY: Mr. Lauderdale isn’t Mr. Obama in fact leaving the campaign to meet with William Ayers, the former terrorist and member of the Weather Underground?

LAUDERDALE: Yes. That’s true. How did you go and uncover that? Damn you.

HENRY: Isn’t William Ayers right now on a plane to Hawaii, where he will wait on a beach for Mr. Obama, where they will meet and share a drink with an umbrella in it and plot the overthrow of the U.S. government?

LAUDERDALE: Yes, yes. My goodness. How do you know that?

HENRY: And isn’t ‘grandmother’ actually radical terrorist shorthand for Bill Ayers? A handle, if you will?

LAUDERDALE: Yes, that’s also true.

HENRY: I thought so. And isn’t Mr. Obama’s handle Muslim Man?

LAUDERDALE: Yes, because he loves being a Muslim more than anything.

HENRY: Mmm.

Mr. Lauderdale, isn’t it true that there really is no grandmother? That if I traveled to Hawaii, what I would find in the bed where she should be would be William Ayers in bed in makeup and a nighty, pretending to be Mr. Obama’s grandmother?

LAUDERDALE: I thought Ayers was on the beach.

HENRY: He goes back and forth. Now, wouldn’t I find Mr. Ayers in that bed, Mr. Lauderdale?

LAUDERDALE: Uh… Uh… Yes, Mr. Obama would be in the bed. Yes.

HENRY: No. No, no. Mr. Ayers would be in bed, right, Mr. Lauderdale? Not Mr. Obama.

LAUDERDALE: (shuffling papers) Uh… one minute. I–

Henry, I lost my place! I lost my place!

(static)

HENRY: Uh, I want to thank Mr. Lauderdale for coming on the show. Apparently, we lost connection. It takes courage to stand in the path of The Mack Truck, which is filled with truth, and he tried, and we have to commend him for that. Trying is great.

Podcast: Download

The Troopergate Report - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

In this excerpt from The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, The Mack Truck talks about the recently released report on the so-called Troopergate scandal. Transcript below the jump.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

The Troopergate report was released late last week.

Happy to say, Sarah Palin was exonerated.

First caller is Dale from Irvine, California. Dale, go ahead. You’re on with the Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, she actually wasn’t exonerated. The report said that she abused her power.

HENRY: That’s not even possible. How is that even possible? could she abuse her power? She’s the governor. She has all the power.

She can fire whoever she wants.

She’s walking down the street, and she sees a cleaning lady. And she says, “Hey, cleaning lady. You’re fired, because you’re not cleaning well. Everything’s dirty.

CALLER: That’s not–

HENRY: Hey, window washer man, you’re fired. I see streaks in that window, and that means that people can’t see moose when they look outside. So you’re fired.

CALLER: But, you see–

HENRY: Hey, receptionist lady, I see you typing very slowly, and you’re supposed to type faster, and you’re fired. I know monkeys that can type faster than you, and the monkeys I know have one arm and bad coordination.

CALLER: She acted unethically. I mean, that’s what it said–

HENRY: No, no. You’re missing the point. There’s nothing unethical when you can fire anybody you want, and you fire anybody you want.

She should be on that Donald Trump show. “You’re fired.” “You’re fired.”

CALLER: Okay, that’s a horrible impersonation.

HENRY: Well, I’m not a ventriloquist, okay?

Point is, you mess with the guv, you get the glove… that’s holding the pink slip… that fires you.

CALLER: Once again, I have no idea what you’re saying.

HENRY: I know what I’m saying. I’m saying, “Here come the guv. Here come the guv.”

Okay, let’s do a little role playing. I’m Sarah Palin, and you’re you, but you live in Alaska. Okay?

CALLER: Okay…

HENRY: All right, so, “What do you do?”

CALLER: Me? I’m an attorney, actually.

HENRY: Oh. You’re fired.

Podcast: Download

Sarah Palin Ain’t No Pig in Lipstick - The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

The Mack Truck talks about Barack Obama’s recent “lipstick on a pig” remark. Transcript follows the jump.

More Mack Truck Episodes »

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

Senator Obama called Sarah Palin a pig.

Not nice.

Not fair.

If she’s any animal, she’s a fox.

But what if we go calling Senator Obama animal names? Then what?

Obama the platapus.

Obama the chinchilla.

Obama the llama. Ah.

Paydirt.

How’s that taste, Obama…the Llama?

Not too good.

First caller is Gary from Glendale. Gary, go ahead. You’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, McCain’s a hippopatamus.

HENRY: Oh… Oh! Okay. I see. Well, Obama’s a lizard. With scales. On it.

CALLER: Well, McCain’s obviously a gorilla. Because they eat their own feces.

HENRY: No, I think you eat your own feces. While watching Obama.

CALLER: No, I think you eat your own feces.

HENRY: No, I think you do. Which rhymes with doo doo. Which is what you smell like.

CALLER: Well, at least I don’t eat it.

HENRY: No, I said you do. You do eat it.

CALLER: No, you didn’t. You said I smelled like it, which is totally different.

HENRY: No, I said you eat it.

CALLER: No, I’m telling you, you didn’t. Play the tape back. I’m telling you.

HENRY: (On tape) Which rhymes with doo doo. Which is what you smell like.

CALLER: See?

HENRY: Damn it!

Podcast: Download

McCain’s Sarah Palin Bounce and Aerial Wolf Hunting - The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

The Mack Truck discusses a very personal reason that he shares Sarah Palin’s support for hunting wolves. A transcript follows the jump.

More Mack Truck Episodes »

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

McCain is up in the polls, thanks to the Sarah Palin bounce.

First caller is Alan from Lancaster. Alan, go ahead.

CALLER: Yeah, I think Palin’s just a complete sham. She’s not what she says she is.

Like, on the environment. She’s not Green. She’s in favor of hunting wolves from helicopters.

HENRY: So? So am I.

CALLER: You’re in favor of hunting wolves from helicopters?

HENRY: I’m in favor of hunting wolves from anywhere.

What’s so great about wolves?

They eat people.

You know, I wasn’t going to go into this, because it’s a very intensely personal story, but my grandmother, when I was a boy, was eaten by a wolf.

There I was with my basket of goodies for grandma, walking through the forest, and when I get to Grandma’s house, there’s no grandma; there’s just a wolf.

CALLER: That’s “Little Red Riding Hood.”

HENRY: He ate my grandmother. Imagine that. Imagine being told that a wolf ate your grandmother. Imagine being told by the wolf.

Terrible.

CALLER: That’s a children’s story. It’s a fairy tale.

HENRY: Well, to this child, it was very real, my friend. Very real.

It was no fairy tale. No children’s story. Oh, yeah, what a great story. Remember the one about when Grandma got eaten? Tell me that one again, mommy. Tell me how she’s in the small intestine, being digested. I love that story.

CALLER: This is insane.

HENRY: I say get ‘em, and get ‘em good. And this one’s for grandma, you sons of bitches.

Podcast: Download

I’m In Love With You, Sarah Palin - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

The Mack Truck discusses his newfound love for Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

More Mack Truck Episodes »

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

I’m just gonna put it out there.

Sarah Palin, I love you.

I think I loved you before I even knew who you were.

And I’ve always had a thing for moose, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I think you should leave weird man and come and live with me.

I don’t have much to offer you. But let me tell you what I do have.

I have a lot of hair.

I have my own radio show.

My mother’s basement has been converted, and there’s plenty of room.

I floss.

I have never been convicted… of a felony… in the United States.

Our first caller is Mike from Montebello, California. Michael, go ahead.

CALLER: Yeah, I just want to say, you have absolutely no chance.

HENRY: Oh, really? Who says? You?

CALLER: Yeah. I mean, there’s no way she’s going to leave her husband in the middle of a presidential campaign. It’s just never going to happen.

HENRY: Oh, why, because he’s so great? What’s so great about him? He has a weird beard and beady little stupid eyes. What does he have?

CALLER: Money. Plus, they’ve had five kids together. They have five kids.

HENRY: So? I could have ten kids with her. What then? What if I impregnate her ten times?

CALLER: Uh…what?

HENRY: Then I’m double.

CALLER: She doesn’t even know you exist.

HENRY: Well, that’ll change. I’ve called her office 47 times already today.

CALLER: You’re going to get arrested.

HENRY: No, no. I’m going to get married.

Podcast: Download

Bristol Palin’s Pregnancy - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

The Mack Truck discusses the recently disclosed pregnancy of 17-year-old Bristol Palin, daughter of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. A transcript follows the jump.

HENRY: All right, so Sarah Palin’s daughter, Britsol, is pregnant.

Here’s the truth - we have to kill this girl. It’s the only way.

I mean, how many times can we hide her behind Denny Hastert?

We have a campaign to run here.

“Bristol, you’re a beautiful, young girl. You have your whole life ahead of you. But it’s time to go now.”

“But didn’t I do the right thing? I didn’t have an abortion. I didn’t use a birth control. Didn’t I do the right thing?”

“Yeah, but your mom is running for Vice President now, so the ‘right thing’ is a little more cloudy than usual. And, uh, it’s over.”

Our first caller is Ed from Easton, Pennsylvania. Ed, go ahead. You’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, I just want to understand, you’re advocating murder?

HENRY: Sacrifice.

CALLER: Murder of a 17-year-old girl.

HENRY: Sacrifice, Ed.

CALLER: Well, what’s the difference what you call it? You’re still killing her.

HENRY: Yeah, but ritually. In a ritual. So it’s different.

CALLER: What kind of ritual? What are you talking about?

HENRY: A little ritual called, The Republican National Convention, my friend, Ed. The Republican National Convention.

Final night of the convention, McCain’s big speech. He calls Bristol Palin up on stage.

This great, sweet moment with the uncle forgiving the wayward teen.

And just as everything quiets down, he takes out a Revolutionary-era sword, and he chops off her head.

Boom. It’s done.

Shows he’s a man of action.

Shows he’s virile.

And shows he’s accurate with a sword. Which may come in handy at some point, though I can’t think of how right now.

Best convention speech ever.

Obama could never match that speech. You know why? Beause he’d never behead someone during a speech. Never.

And we win. On the basis of that momentum, from that speech, we win.

CALLER: I think, I think you’re sick.

HENRY: My friend, the world is sick. I’m just the medicine that doesn’t taste good.

Podcast: Download

How McCain Should Respond to Obama Speech - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

The Mack Truck discusses the final night of the Democratic National Convention, and what John McCain’s response should be to Barack Obama’s speech. A transcript of the excerpt follows the jump.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome aboard.

Big speech last night by Barack Obama.

Final night of the Democrappic National Convention.

First caller is Dale from Ventura, California. Dale, you’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, I just–I’m wondering how you think McCain should respond to such a big speech. I mean, how does he respond?

HENRY: I’ll tell you how he responds. He says… My fellow Americans, I have a flesh-eating virus, and I have three days to live.

In fact, much of my flesh is already gone, or at least it’s not where it used to be.

I ask for your support in this great time of need, and I ask you to carry on my legacy by voting for me in November.

And the money would just come pouring in, and the support would come pouring in, and people would be crying. It would be unbelievable.

CALLER: Why would people vote for someone who’s going to be dead in November?

HENRY: Because he won’t be dead. “Oh, miraculously, we have discovered a cure for this particular type of flesh-eating virus. A mixture of seaweed, rice, and raw fish–

CALLER: That’s sushi.

HENRY: A mixture of seaweed and Robitussin has miraculously reversed the effects of this horrible virus.

It doesn’t taste good, but boy does it do a job on that flesh-eating viruses.

And John McCain now has his flesh back.

And it’s a younger, more vigorous flesh because it’s a new flesh.

Aren’t you glad you didn’t stop supporting him?

And, and you say the seaweed that was found was found by drilling offshore. So it’s a win-win.

Podcast: Download

Democrappic Convention Night Three - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

In this excerpt from today’s show, The Mack Truck discusses the third night of the Democratic National Convention. A transcript follows the jump.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome. Talking about the third night of the Democrappic National Convention.

Bill Clinton, Joe Biden.

Our first caller is John from Reno, Nevada. John, go ahead. You’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, I just–I have to say, I’m a little concerned at this point, as a conservative, watching the convention. This looks like a good group.

HENRY: Yeah, John, don’t be worried. Don’t be scared. You know why? ‘Cause they’re just Democrats. They’re just wittle Democrats. They can’t hurt you.

They’re not the real thing.

The Democrats are like that thing in your closet when you were a kid, that you thought was there. And you ran and got your dad and dragged him in your room and said, “Dad, Dad, there’s a monster in the closet.” And your dad showed you that it was just a shirt on top of a box. And he made you sleep in the basement. Without a blanket.

That’s the Democrats.

You know what Democrats are like? They’re like that girl that you see at the county fair or the park from far away. And she has long, flowing blond hair, and she’s beautiful, and she’s wearing these tight jeans, and you’re checking her out. And she turns around, and she’s a guy. And you’re like, Am I gay? Does this make me gay? I mean, I thought it was a girl, so that would be a vote for not gay, but I was staring at his ass, so that confuses things.

The Democrats are like that - a girl you thought was hot that you see from far away, but when she turns around, she’s actually a guy who wants to be in Def Leppard.

Podcast: Download

Democrappic Convention Night Two - Clinton’s Speech - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

In this excerpt from Wednesday’s show, the Mack Truck talks about Hillary Clinton’s speech during the second night of the Democratic National Convention. A transcript follows the jump.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Talking about the second night of the Democrappic National Convention and specifically, Hillary Clinton’s speech.

Our first caller is Steve from Seattle. Steve, go ahead, you’re on with The Mack Truck.

CALLER: Yeah, I thought she did a really good job. I thought that was a really good speech, and I really, really liked her a lot.

HENRY: Steve, how old were you when you realized you had female genitalia?

CALLER: What are you talking about?

HENRY: I’m asking you what age you were when you looked down and realized, Holy cow, I have female genitalia with my male genitalia! I have all kinds of stuff going on down there.

CALLER: I don’t have female genitalia just because I liked Hillary Clinton’s speech.

HENRY: You don’t have female genitalia? Are you sure? Have you checked? I think you need to check. I think you should check. Go ahead. I’ll hold. Go ahead and check.

CALLER: I don’t have female genitalia.

HENRY: I’m just asking you to check. Just for me. Just take a peek. It’s okay.

CALLER: I don’t need to take a peek.

HENRY: Well, you may have missed something. That’s all I’m saying. You’re only human. You may have missed something. That’s all.

CALLER: I think I know what genitalia I have.

HENRY: You would think. But you might be wrong–Look, I’ll check mine. Okay? I’ll check mine. That’s a fair deal. Here. Here we go. Here. I’ll check mine. Yep. Male. Mine’s male. Male and beautiful. Now you go.

Podcast: Download

Democrappic National Convention Night One - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

The Mack Truck discusses the opening night of the Democratic National Convention, specifically Ted Kennedy’s speech. A transcript follows the video.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. We’re talking about the Democrappic National Convention last night. Lots of Democratic crappiness went on.

First caller is Ed from Connecticut. Ed, go ahead.

CALLER: Yeah, I can’t agree with you here. I thought it was a really emotional night, very moving. I was very moved–

HENRY: Uh huh. Ed, did you cry?

CALLER: Maybe. Yeah, maybe. So…

HENRY: Yeah. Ed, let me ask you something. Are you a girl?

You know, Ed, I watched the speech - I watched all the speeches - and the only thing that moved for me were my bowels. So I can’t agree with you here. I wasn’t very impressed.

CALLER: You weren’t impressed with Ted Kennedy? The man has a brain tumor–

HENRY: Yeah, I know. I know the whole story - the brain tumor, the coming back, the whole thing. I know the whole story, and you know what? I’ve thought a lot about this. I don’t think that was him. I think that was Brian Dennehy playing him.

CALLER: You can’t be serious.

HENRY: Oh, I am serious. Have you seen Brian Dennehy? Have you seen him act? He’s amazing. He’s incredible. He could play me, and I would think he was me. I would be like, “Well, who the heck am I, if you’re me? ‘Cause clearly you’re me.” That’s how good he is. And this wouldn’t even be a stretch for him. He’s already a round, white-haired guy. All he’d have to do is throw on some glasses and get that stupid accent, and he’s Ted Kennedy.

CALLER: Oh, I think–I think you’re insane, if you believe that. You’re insane.

HENRY: Well, I think you’re insane for believing that that was Ted Kennedy when it was clearly Brian Dennehy.

Let me just add, I thought Brian Dennehy did an amazing job, as did Angela Bassett playing Michelle Obama. They both were wonderful.

Podcast: Download

McCain’s Homes - Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

In an excerpt from the episode of August 22, The Mack Truck discusses the recent flare-up over John McCain’s forgetting how many homes he and his wife own. A transcript is below the video. You can subscribe in iTunes by clicking the “subscribe” link.

ANNOUNCER: Like a Mack Truck, except filled with truth, it’s The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome. I want to talk today about a big story last week. John McCain was asked how many homes he owns and he said he’d have to have his staff get back to the reporter, which many people took to mean he didn’t know how many homes he had. And the libby-labs jumped up and down and touched themselves.

The point is this: old people forget things. It’s part of being old. John McCain is old. This doesn’t make him elitist. It doesn’t make him out of touch. It makes him old.

And to prove this point, that old people forget things, we have on the phone right now my grandfather, from New Jersey. Grandpa Harvey.

Hey Grandpa, how are you?

CALLER: What? Who the hell is this?

HENRY: It’s Henry, Grandpa. Your grandson.

CALLER: My grandson? Oh, Stevie?

HENRY: No, no. Stevie’s my older brother. This is Henry, Grandpa. See what I mean? He doesn’t remember.

CALLER: Henry? Oh, yeah, yeah, Henry. Okay, yeah, yeah. The dumb one. Okay, yeah.

HENRY: The–Wh–Henry’s not the dumb one, Grandpa.

CALLER: Yeah, yeah, Henry. You said you’re Henry, right? Am I talking to Henry?

HENRY: No, no, I am Henry. But Henry’s not the dumb one.

CALLER: Oh, yes, he is. Yes, he is. He came out ass-first out of his mother. Ass-first. And we all knew then. We knew.

HENRY: (laughs) I-I don’t think you know what you’re saying here, Grandpa.

CALLER: No, I do know. You don’t know. You don’t know.

HENRY: No, I was–I was never called dumb.

CALLER: Yes, you were. You were called many things. Uh, dumb, blockhead, dim-wit.

HENRY: I don’t think so.

CALLER: Don’t tell me. I’ll come there and slap your face. I’ll slap it.

HENRY: No, I’m just saying, I don’t–I don’t think you’re right about this.

CALLER: That’s because Because you’re dumb.

HENRY: No, no. I mean–

CALLER: Hey, what time is it? What time is it?

HENRY: It’s a little after 11:00.

CALLER: Oh, it’s my lunchtime. I gotta go. I gotta go.

HENRY: But we’re on the radio here, Grandpa. I have a radio show that you’re on–

CALLER: You have a what? You have a ladle of your own? Well, congratulations. What do you want, a prize of some kind? What the hell do I care if you have a ladle of your own? Jesus Christ.

HENRY: No, no–

(Caller hangs up.)

HENRY: He’s gone?

Okay, we’re going to take a short break on The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. We’ll come right back. Come back after this. Thanks.

That went well.

End Transcript

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-eddff51d45ae0e5cf845e10aba53d3ef}

Podcast: Download

Russia and Georgia - The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

In this excerpt from the August 21st episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, the Mack Truck talks about the Russia-Georgia conflict. A transcript is below the video.

ANNOUNCER: Like a Mack Truck, except filled with truth, it’s The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome. I just want to get right into it today ’cause I’m pretty incensed over this Russia/Georgia situation. I’m sure all of you have heard that Russia invaded Georgia recently. I-I am just shocked and baffled at the passive response of the Bush administration. Usually they’re right on top of these kinds of things, and this time all they’re doing is talking and making speeches and saying things and doing nothing. And meanwhile, the great State of Georgia is invaded by Russia.

And I just want to say to the people of Georgia, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I want nothing more than to come down there and help you fend off this horrible, unwarranted invasion, but I
have a very busy weekend, and there’s just no way I’m going to be able to get away.

So I want to go to the phones and take some calls and see if you guys are as angry as I am about this.

The first call is from Jim in Cleveland. Jim, go ahead.

CALLER: Yeah, you do know that it’s not the State of Georgia in this country, that it’s the Republic of Georgia that’s south of Russia, that used to be part of the Soviet Union. That’s it’s not this Georgia, you know that, right?

HENRY: Yes, Jim, I do know that. Do you know that, Jim?

CALLER: Yeah, well, I just told you that, so…

HENRY: Well, you didn’t have to tell me, because I already knew. But thank you for the information.

CALLER: Well, I mean, to be honest, I don’t know that you actually did know that.

HENRY: Oh, oh, so you’re calling me a liar, Jim. Is that what you’re doing? You’re calling me a liar?

CALLER: Well–

HENRY: Jim, I have to tell you, I find that–I find that very insulting and reprehensible. You don’t even know me, and you call me a liar. I don’t go around calling you a liar, do I?

CALLER: Well, that’s ’cause I didn’t lie.

HENRY: No, no, that’s not the point. I don’t go around calling anybody a liar. I don’t go around calling people who lie, liars, either. Not that I lied, but I’m just saying that I don’t do that, that we’re very different people.

CALLER: Well, some of the things you said about, you know, the great State of Georgia and stuff made it sound like you thought it was in this country. That’s all. I mean…

HENRY: Well, Jim, maybe that’s because the way I see the world is as one big brotherhood. I mean, if 9/11 taught us anything, it taught us that everyone who isn’t Muslim should live together as one and try to share this world, right? And I would hope you would agree with me, Jim. That’s how I see the world. That’s the world I want to live in. And, and I would hope you would feel the same. Obviously, you don’t. We’re different people. You want to keep everyone separate. You want to keep everyone in their own place, keep Russia where Russia is, keep America where America is. And that’s old thinking, my friend. That is old thinking. And I am all about new thinking and new ideas.

So we’re going to take a break. When we come back, we’re going to talk about whether we should just nuke everything east of Europe and get it over with. We’ll be right back.

Podcast: Download

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey - Drilling Offshore

The Mack Truck discusses the so-called debate about oil drilling. It’s an excerpt from the August 19th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Below the video is a transcript.

ANNOUNCER: Like a Mack Truck, except filled with truth, it’s The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome back. We’re talking today about oil drilling, specifically the debate, I guess you’d call it, between the libby-labs, who don’t want to drill offshore or in the Antarctic wildlife thin, uh, because some seal might hurt his wittle paws. The debate between that and realistic patriots like me who want to drill offshore and anywhere else that might have oil in it to get us off our dependence on the Middle East.

If the government calls me up and says, “Hey, listen, we have reason to believe that there’s oil underneath your house,” do you know what I’m saying? I’m saying, “Hell, yeah. Come over. Take out your shovels and do whatever you have to do. You know, dig anywhere, drill anywhere. You want to drill in my living room, go ahead.” You know why? ‘Cause I’m a patriot. Because I care more about this country than I do about some penguin in Antarctica.

But that’s me. I want to hear about you. First call is from Joe in New York. Joe, go ahead.

CALLER: Yeah, I just want to say I think you’re way off on this.

HENRY: Oh, yeah?

CALLER: Yeah. I mean, the drilling isn’t even going to do anything for another five years, minimum, anyway, so…

HENRY: Oh, really? Who told you that, Barack Obama?

CALLER: No. The news reports.

HENRY: Oh, the news reports. The news reports. Well, if it’s in the news reports, it must be true. Joe, you know what else is in the news reports? That your boy John Edwards boffed some lady and got her
pregnant. That’s in the news, too.

CALLER: What does that have to do with oil drilling?

HENRY: I’m just saying, you love the news, you can’t stop talking about the news, you’re going crazy over the news. That’s what’s on the news. I’m just telling you.

CALLER: Okay, well, anyway, it’s the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, not Antarctic.

HENRY: Oh, congratulations.

CALLER: Look, you really think drilling everywhere is the solution to the energy problems we have?

HENRY: No, no. I think the solution is to build, uh, hippy solar panels out of hemp and harness the power of the Sun God, and power our nation that way. That’s what I think, Joe.

Let’s take another call. This is Larry from Seattle. Larry, go ahead.

CALLER: Henry, this isn’t Larry from Seattle. This is your mother. And let me tell you something, Henry: no government’s coming in my house to drill, you understand? And it is my house, Henry, not yours. You just live in the basement.

(Call is disconnected)

HENRY: Uh, we’re going to take a break on The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. We’ll be right back. This is Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey. Don’t go away.

Podcast: Download

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey - Obama, Appeasement and Iran

The Mack Truck discusses Barack Obama’s stated intention to negotiate with Iran. It’s an excerpt from the May 19th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. A transcript follows the video.

ANNOUNCER: Like a Mack Truck, except filled with truth, it’s The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

HENRY: Okay, yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. And today we’re talking about appeasement and Barack Obama and Iran and the things that Bush said in Israel, which were referring to Obama, everyone assumes, and how he wants to talk to these guys and negotiate with them. And my opinion is you can’t negotiate with Iran or these terrorist organizations. You just can’t talk to them. They don’t want to talk.

Like, if a robber comes in your house to rob you, you can’t negotiate with him, because he’ll shoot you in the face. So you give him everything you have. Now, that’s not–I’m not–That metaphor didn’t turn out the way I intended. I’m not saying we should give Iran everything we have. I’m saying, you can’t sit there and talk to them and say, “Hey, maybe I’ll give you this, if you don’t shoot me in the face.” I mean, you can’t do that, right?

The real answer is, you have a gun, too, and so do your kids and so does your wife. And so you then have four guns, and he has one, and you shoot him in the face before he shoots you. And, you know, maybe your kids miss and stuff, but your or your wife probably hit him.

And that’s the Bush foreign policy: I have five guns to your one, so I will always win. And therefore, I don’t have to negotiate with you about whether you’re going to take my couch or my television, because I just shot you in the face.

Podcast: Download

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey - John Hagee vs. Jeremiah Wright

An excerpt from the May 11th episode, in which the Mack Truck discusses the difference between Jeremiah Wright and John Hagee. Below the video is a transcript.

ANNOUNCER: Like a Mack Truck, except filled with truth, it’s The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show.

HENRY: Yes, this is The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Welcome.

What I want to talk about today is the difference between two pastors. First pastor is Barack Obama’s pastor, of course, Jeremiah Wright. Second pastor is John Hagee, the pastor that endorsed John McCain. And there’s been a lot of debate about these two guys, and I don’t want to talk about the normal thing people talk about, which is who said what and what’s the more controversial thing, and which one of the two is more controversial, are they equally controversial? I want to talk about a difference that is much less talked about and much more important, in my opinion. And that is this: John Hagee is fat. He’s very fat. He’s like a human circle. And Reverend Wright, on the other hand, is actually in pretty good shape. He’s actually–especially for his age, he’s rather fit. So with Reverend Wright, there’s actually a threat there, that if he wanted to start a violent revolution of some kind, lead a violent revolution, he could actually do it. He has the physical strength, the stamina. He’s in good enough shape to do it. Pastor Hagee? I don’t think so. I think, if he was leading a revolution, all you’d have to do is hold out a cheese steak, and whatever revolution he would undertaking, he would stop and sit and devour that cheese steak. So I know, with Pastor Hagee, he’s no threat to me. You ask me who of the two is more dangerous and more of a threat, I say Reverend Wright over Pastor
Hagee because Pastor Hagee’s not a threat to me, because I’m not a pile of scalloped potatoes. You see?

But I want to see what you think. Let’s go to the phones. The first caller is Dennis from Portland, Oregon. Dennis, how are you?

CALLER: Hagee said that Katrina was a punishment for New Orleans’ level of sin.

HENRY: Right, but you’re missing the much larger point here, which is him. He is the larger point. He is very large. He’s huge. And he’s a threat to no one who can run or walk briskly.

CALLER: So what does that mean, you’re going to ignore everything he said? All the things he said?

HENRY: No, look. You’re getting caught up in minutiae here, okay? The point is, he says crazy things, yes. He does. He’s said some controversial things. But the important thing is, is he a threat to you in any way? No. Not unless you’re standing in front of the buffet table. And if you were, I’d say, “Listen, Man, you gotta clear a hole for this guy or you’re risking serious bodily harm.” But otherwise, no, he’s not a threat to you. So you just leave him alone, and he’ll leave you alone. You don’t dress like a hot dog, you’re probably in the clear.

Podcast: Download

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - Socialized Medicine

In this excerpt from the May 5th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, the Truck talks about the Clinton and/or Obama health care plans, and how at heart they boil down to socialism.

Podcast: Download

Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - McCain and Oil

An excerpt from the May 4th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, in which the Mack Truck discusses the uproar over recent comments made by Senator John McCain. A transcript follows the video.

HENRY:And what I want to talk about today right off the bat is this clip of John McCain that’s been played over and over again. I think it came out late last week. So I want to play you the clip and come back and talk about it. So here’s what he said at this town hall meeting.

McCAIN (recording): My friends, I will have an energy policy, which we will be talking about, which will eliminate our dependence on oil from the Middle East that will–

(applause)

That will then prevent us–That will prevent us from having, ever, to send our young men and women into conflict in the Middle East.

HENRY: Okay, so that’s what he said. And the lib-labs went crazy and got all in an uproar about it. But what they didn’t stop to think about, in between wetting their pants and soiling their diapers, is that there are different kinds of oil. And what you don’t hear about from the liberal media is that Iraq is the number one producer and exporter of olive oil. Okay? They make the stuff like crazy over there. And what John McCain was talking about was the very dangerous U.S. dependence on that olive oil. But you won’t hear about that from the liberal media. You know why? Because, think about it: Who do you think the number one user of olive oil is, as a group? It’s the intellectual, elitist snob circle in New York, L.A. and San Francisco. They use it for their cooking parties, where they talk about how wonderful homosexuality is; they use it for their little book club meetings, their gay pride lunches.

And with that I want to take a call from John in Boston. John, how are you?

CALLER: Fine, but your theory about the olive oil, it makes no sense.

HENRY: Oh, really? That’s interesting.

CALLER: Look, I’m an expert in worldwide crop production. Iraq is not even on the list. Not anywhere.

HENRY: John–John?

CALLER: Yes? Yes? Uh…

HENRY: John, where do you think you’re getting that information from?

CALLER: From my studies, and–

HENRY: No, wrong. From The New York Times, which you and your liberal Boston friends probably gather around and masturbate to–

CALLER: I don’t masturbate.

HENRY: While–While, I might add, cooking in copious, obscene amounts of olive oil. So, actually, it’s you, John, my friend, that are in fact responsible for this dependence, this dangerous dependence on olive oil, which is dragging us into these conflicts in the Middle East, and which John McCain has had the courage to speak about.

CALLER: Why would I masturbate to The New York Times?

HENRY: And with that I want to take a quick break. And we’ll be right back on The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Come back.

Podcast: Download

Premiere of Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show - Obama’s Supporters

National Protrusion Television (NPTV) is proud to announce its partnership with popular conservative radio host Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey. The National Protrusion will post excerpts from the show, which are also available as podcasts on iTunes and via the links at the bottom of this post. A transcript of the excerpt follows below the video as well.

HENRY: All right. We’re back on The Henry “The Mack Truck” Harvey Show. And we’re taking a call from Michael in Cleveland. Michael, how are you?

CALLER: I’m good, I’m good. I just want to say that I’m one conservative that likes Obama. I like him. I like his ideas.

HENRY: Michael? You like Obama, huh?

CALLER: Yeah.

HENRY: Yeah. Michael, is that maybe because you’re gay?

CALLER: What’s that supposed to mean?

HENRY: I’m just–I’m just wondering.

CALLER: I’m not gay. What are you saying, everyone who likes Obama is gay?

HENRY: Actually, I think–Yeah, I think a huge percentage of his supporters, if people were honest about it, are probably gay, yeah.

CALLER: I think that’s ridiculous. I think that’s ridiculous.

HENRY: Well, how do you know? Are you–Are you–Do you work for the Census? Is your last name Census?

CALLER: Actually, my last name is Census. My name’s Michael Census, actually. So… But your other point about the Obama supporters–

HENRY: Okay, look, look, look. Here’s what I’m saying: I’m saying…I’m saying you’re gay, and–

CALLER: But I’m not gay, though, so…

HENRY: All right. You’re not gay. You’re not gay like I’m not gay, okay? I mean, you’re gay and I’m not gay. That’s what I’m saying, and on top of that, a huge percentage of Obama voters and Obama supporters are also gay, which is why you are an Obama supporter. Because you’re gay.

CALLER: I think that’s–

HENRY: And with that, I have to take a quick break. We will be back on The Henry “The Mack Truck” Harvey Show. Come back.

You couldn’t tell me his name was Census?

MAN: I didn’t know.

Podcast: Download