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The United States Congress is made up of two houses, the Senate and the House of Representatives. The Congress holds legislative power, and as such, is responsible for bending all pieces of legislation to fit the wishes of the person or group that gives them the most money. |
[Audio] Paulson Suggests Allocating $35 Billion of Rescue Funds To Henry PaulsonNPNR’s David Overbearing reports on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s testimony before the House Financial Services Committee, in which he suggested Congress approve the issuing of a Treasury check in the amount of $35 billion to Henry M. Paulson, Jr. CEOs Say They May Have to Cut Back on Hookers and BlowThe CEOs of several investment banking, insurance and financial services giants appeared before the House Financial Services Committee Thursday to testify about the state of their companies’ financial health. Audio: Top General Not Sure About Troops, But Surge in His Pants Working Like GangbustersGeneral Howard B. Shannahan testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that he knows for sure that the surge in his pants is achieving the desired results, and then some. Conyers Sends Rove Singing Subpoena-GramHouse Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers announced that he had sent former Bush aide Karl Rove a “singing subpoena-gram,” which Conyers said is like a singing telegram, except that it serves as a reminder to the recipient that he or she has been served with a subpoena that they have yet to respond to. Democrats Promise Not to Make Noise While Republicans Are WorkingSenate Majority Leader Harry Reid said today that Democrats in the Senate will do their best from now on not to “make any noise or otherwise disturb hardworking Senate Republicans.” New FISA Bill Grants Cheney Unlimited Use of Your Cell PhonePresident Bush said the bill’s passage is urgently needed to protect the nation from another terrorist attack. Depressed Congressman Tries to Veto His Own BillCongressman Warren App (D-Utah) attempted to veto a school funding bill that he himself had brought before the House of Representatives. Congress Convenes to Discuss Possibly Doing Something About ThingsHouse Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters the U.S. Congress convened a special session today to “talk about how we might eventually think about doing something about the state of things in our country.” Trust Me, You Don’t Want Me Reaching Across the Aisleby Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) Republican Congressman Suggests Simulated Drowning of Pelosi“I can’t think of a better way to get a visual representation of this practice than to have it demonstrated on the Speaker, in front of the full Congress,” Crenshaw said. Bush Announces Formation of Ends Justify The Ways and Means CommitteeThe main function of the new House committee will be to condone the actions undertaken by the executive branch by holding up their end goals as justification. Decorator of the Interior Testifies He Wants to Just Burn Those Hideous Drapes Right NowMark Focalm, Decorator of the Interior, testified before a Congressional committee today that he is, “Just sickened by the hideous drapes and the God-awful rug in that place.” Congress Convenes Extra-Special SessionCongress today convened its first-ever Extra-Special Session. Congressman Tries to Sneak Through Bill Entitling Him to All of Nation’s ChocolateCongressman Wally Herger attempted to sneak a bill through the House late last night which would have named him sole recipient of the nation’s entire supply of chocolate. Congress Pledges Swift, Meaningless ActionDemocratic and Republican members of Congress pledged to battle the growing economic crisis facing the country with swift, meaningless action. |