Polls Show Bush Less Popular Than Death

WASHINGTON - Less Americans approve of President Bush than approve of Death, according to a recent poll. 42% of Americans approve of the job the president is doing, while 43% approve of the job Death is doing. It is the president’s lowest approval rating in his time in office, while for Death it marks a 12% increase from his last recorded rating of 31%.

“Well, I just think Death is doing a better job,” said Jim Edgemont of Evanston, Illinois, who took part in the poll. “I mean, you look at what he’s supposed to do, and he does it. He gets the job done. That’s the kind of thing this country needs. Consistency. Integrity. And he–Man, he has it.”

Asked to respond to the poll numbers, the president repeated a familiar refrain about not relying on polling data to make his decisions. He also added, “And polls, you know, they hate freedom. They hate democracy. I’m pretty sure–I’m pretty sure they hate God. And his son, Jesus. I mean, I don’t want to cast aspirations, but I think many of the polls are actually French in origin. So you can take from that what you will.”

Rumors of a possible run for office were flatly denied by Death’s publicist, who works out of Hollywood, California.