Rice Traded to France for a Functionary To Be Named Later

Washington - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was traded to France today for a functionary to be named later and several bureaucratic draft picks. France, an ally whose relationship with the United States grew more tense with the invasion of Iraq, said it was excited to receive Rice from the United States, and that she would bolster their team.

“She’s been in this league a long time,” said François Fillon, France’s Prime Minister. “She has post-season experience, and that’s something we need. So we’re very excited.”

President Bush said the move didn’t reflect any personal animosity between him and Ms. Rice. The two are known to be close friends.

“Condi’s one of my favorite people,” Bush said. “But it’s just time to make a change. We saw a need to build up our farm team, and for more offense, as we plan to remain on the offensive indefinitely. And Condi’s strength is defense. France saw a need, and we saw a need, and we found a mutually beneficial arrangement. But I wish her well, and I know she’ll love it over there. The French may have some questionable ideas about freedom, but they make awful pretty buildings and art and whatnot. And I know she loves that kind of thing.”