congress

Senator Shitonface Urges Passage of Name-Change Legislation

Senator Walter Shitonface (D-WI) urged his senate colleagues to swiftly pass a bill to ease the process of officially and legally changing one’s name in the United States.

Bernanke Testifies That Ben Bernanke is Pretty Sick of Testifying

Appearing before the House Financial Services Committee, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke testified that “Ben Bernanke is frankly pretty sick of testifying to committees like these.”

What This Economy Needs is to Win the Lottery

by Rep. Chip Daniels (D-MD)

Ask Congress: The AIG Bonuses

The National Protrusion is proud to debut Ask Congress, a series where members of the United States Congress answer questions on a given topic.

Miscommunicated Talking Points Cause Republicans to Condemn ‘Hairless Spending’

In what is assumed to be a miscommunication in the relaying of the day’s talking points, several prominent Republicans condemned what they referred to as “hairless spending” proposed by President Obama.

Capitol Janitor Hoping Some Stimulus Money Falls on Floor

“I know it’s kind of a long shot,” said Barberie, who has worked as a janitor at the Capitol since 2003.

Republicans Propose ‘Infiniti Stimulus Package’ for the Already Wealthy

Unlike the Democrat-backed bill, the Republican stimulus package would be ultra-exclusive, amounting to $800 billion divided evenly among 20 rich white men.

Senator Refuses to Attend Scary Nighttime Sessions

Fearing for his safety, Senator Horris A. Harvey, Republican of Pennsylvania, said today he would not be attending proposed nighttime Congressional sessions aimed at reconciling the House and Senate versions of the economic stimulus package.

Senator Finds Rahm Emanuel Waiting For Him in Darkened Parking Garage

Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska said today that he had an odd and unsettling late-night encounter with White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel Thursday night.

Republicans Filibuster Democrats’ Lunch Plans

Senate Democrats were shocked when Republican Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina led a filibuster of their proposal to attend T.G.I. Friday’s for lunch.

The National Protrusion.com