Congressman Voting His Conscience, or Whatever That’s Called
Representative Jason Armon, Democrat of Virginia, announced Saturday he is changing his vote on health care reform legislation from ‘no’ to ‘yes.’
Obama Names Larry Brillstein Secretary of Panic
President Obama announced his appointment of Larry Brillstein as Secretary of Panic at the White House Thursday afternoon.
Thousands Offer to Return Stimulus Checks if Bush Will Leave Office Early
Bush, whose approval rating is the lowest in modern history, rejected the proposal during a brief exchange with reporters later in the day.
Bush Offers Nation Change from Floor of Car
President Bush said today that the nation could have the 52 cents he found on the floor of one of several armored limousines used for presidential travel.
Bush Announces Plan to Nap For Remainder of Term
President Bush announced today that he would spend the remainder of his term taking a nap.
Bush Threatens Veto Unless Reid and Pelosi Can Guess How Many Fingers He’s Holding Up
President Bush threatened to veto a workplace health care bill proposed by leading Democrats Friday, unless those Democrats were able to guess how many fingers the president had held up behind his back.
President to Outline Plan to Outline Plan
White House spokesman Scott McClellan announced today that President Bush plans to unveil “an outline of his plan to create an outline for a plan” during a nationally televised address Sunday night.
President Announces National Mediocre Spelling Week
National Mediocre Spelling Week will commence with a parade Monday afternoon, led by children who misspelled or mispronounced the words “the” and “as” more than three times on recent elementary school tests.
President: Let’s Count Two Poor People As One
President Bush shocked a joint session of the South Carolina Legislature when he announced what he called “the solution” that will keep Social Security solvent.
Abstinence-or-Bestiality Policy Proposed for Teens
In response to recent criticism of abstinence-only education programs, based on findings revealing that teens involved in the programs were engaging in anal and oral sex as a way to avoid losing their “virginity,” the Bush administration yesterday proposed the new Abstinence-Or-Bestiality plan, aimed at giving students another option.
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