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The National Protrusion.com

Abstinence-or-Bestiality Policy Proposed for Teens

In response to recent criticism of abstinence-only education programs, based on findings revealing that teens involved in the programs were engaging in anal and oral sex as a way to avoid losing their “virginity,” the Bush administration yesterday proposed the new Abstinence-Or-Bestiality plan, aimed at giving students another option.

Bush OKs Free Speech in Designated Guarded Areas

The Secret Service is investigating the removal of three people from a town hall meeting with President George W. Bush regarding Social Security here in Denver last week.

Brave President Boldly Confronts Class-Action Lawsuits, Saves Country

Leaving behind secondary concerns like the war in Iraq and a struggling economy, the president boldly stated that stopping class-action lawsuits is now his top priority.

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