Economy

The National Protrusion.com

Hackers Break into Congressional Computer System, Balance Budget

No one has yet taken responsibility for the attack, which resulted in what many economists are hailing as a “sensible, balanced budget,” with no other apparent damage to government computers or data.

John Galt Living in Government-Assisted Housing Paid for by Medicaid

John Galt, the central character in Ayn Rand’s epic 1957 novel “Atlas Shrugged” is living in a government-assisted housing project built specifically for elderly Illinois residents.

Dow Jones Industrial Average Means Everything to Unemployed Man

“If the Dow moves up, I get very happy, very content,” Daniel said. “It’s as if I don’t have any problems anymore.”

Atlantic Ocean Prices Rise to $2.79 per Gallon

With oil from a blast-damaged rig continuing to flow into the Gulf of Mexico, the price of a gallon of the Atlantic Ocean’s water rose 5.4 cents Friday, reaching a record high $2.79. It was the largest single-day increase in nearly 27 years.

Wall Street Posts Strong Gains on Knowledge it Can Do Whatever the Fuck it Wants

The Dow Jones Industrial Average soared above 10,000 again Tuesday, chiefly on the strength of a report that Wall Street executives can do “basically anything they fucking want, whenever they fucking want.”

Study: Most Sick Americans Will be Dead by the Time Health Care Bill Passes

A study released Wednesday by the National Institutes of Health finds that an overwhelming majority of sick Americans will be dead by the time a health care bill passes, because they delayed doctor’s visits and other necessary medical procedures due to high medical care costs coupled with job losses and low incomes.

Paulson Admits Pressuring Bank of America on Merrill Deal

Former Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson testified Thursday before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

Obama Meets with Bank Executives to Ask for Better Pin Number

President Barack Obama met with the CEOs of some of the nation’s major banks at the White House to ask them for a better pin number for various personal accounts of his.

California Cancels 2010

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that his state will not participate in the year 2010 at all, “and will skip directly to 2011.”

Consumer Self-Confidence at All-Time Low

The Commerce Department said Tuesday the Consumer Self-Confidence Index sank to 38.1, an all-time low.