terror

The National Protrusion.com

Bin Laden Tweets 140-Character Fatwa

The fatwa was issued using the social networking tool Twitter, and therefore was only 140 characters long, which is the maximum allowed in a Twitter post, or “tweet.”

CIA: U.S. No Longer Under Threat From VHS Tapes

Former Director of the Central Intelligence Agency Porter Goss said today that because of the agency’s efforts, the United States was “no longer under threat from VHS tapes or any other form of analog media.”

[Audio] Top General Not Sure About Troops, But Surge in His Pants Working Like Gangbusters

General Howard B. Shannahan testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that he knows for sure that the surge in his pants is achieving the desired results, and then some.

In Lab Tests, Anthrax Spores Die When Exposed to Cheney

In secret tests conducted in an underground laboratory, the mere presence of Vice President Dick Cheney rendered anthrax spores incapable of sustaining life.

Al Qaeda Would Love Your E-mails to Remain Private

by Michael B. Mukasey

CIA Inadvertently Destroys Two Senators

General Michael V. Hayden, director of the Central Intelligence Agency, testified on Capitol Hill today that the CIA “inadvertently destroyed two senators” who were at the agency’s headquarters in Langley, Virginia to hold a meeting with him.

Bin Laden: You Will Pay for The Terrible ‘Garfield’ from Last Monday

In a purported Osama Bin Laden audio message, the Al Qaeda leader vows to enact revenge upon the West for publication of a “horribly unfunny and unoriginal” Garfield comic strip from Monday, March 10.

U.S. to Stay on Offense Against Terror Until War is Won, or Until It Gets Very Tired

President Bush said today that the United States will stay “on the offensive against the terrorists and terror networks across the globe, right up until it gets really exhausting for us. Then, we’ll give it a rest.”

CIA Official Was Sure Someone Had Transferred Tapes to DVD

Rodriguez added that he only destroyed the tapes because he “hates analog” and wants everyone to move into the digital age.

Chertoff Warns of Al Qaeda’s Increased Loveliness

“I personally have never seen them look this fetching,” Chertoff said.