An excerpt from the May 11th episode, in which the Mack Truck discusses the difference between Jeremiah Wright and John Hagee.
5-11 Henry "Mack Truck" Harvey Show - John Hagee vs. Jeremiah Wright: Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadIn this excerpt from the May 5th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, the Truck talks about the Clinton and/or Obama health care plans, and how at heart they boil down to socialism.
An excerpt from the May 4th episode of The Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show, in which the Mack Truck discusses the uproar over recent comments made by Senator John McCain.
Podcast versions:
By Hillary Rodham Clinton
Hi, small-town America! You all probably know me by now. Or at least you know what you’ve seen on TV and read in the papers. But do you know the real me? The real person behind the public persona? I’m not sure many people do. So let me tell you straight out: I’m exactly the same as all of you. Except I have millions of dollars, I’m a U.S. Senator, and I’m a former First Lady. And you’re none of those things. But other than that, we’re exactly the same.
How are we the same, you may ask? Well, firstly, I love beer, just like you. I mostly love very cheap beer, in a can. The kind you can get a whole case of for under ten dollars. I also love to watch lots of Monday Night Football while I drink the beer I bought for under ten dollars. Monday Night Football or Nascar. Either one’ll do for me.
I also love guns. I adore them. In fact, I used to shoot them behind my grandfather’s shed, which he built himself. Have I mentioned that? I’m not sure I have. I love sheds. And grandfathers. I especially love sheds that grandfathers build themselves.
I love trucks, also. Big, huge trucks that eat up as much gas as an 18-wheeler and are jacked up real high. I love driving those. I like to drive those after I’ve shot a gun behind my grandpa’s shed, right before heading to the local liquor store and buying beer in a can that costs under ten dollars a case.
Oh, and I love church. And God. There’s nothing better, after a Saturday night drinking a ten-dollar case of beer, then driving a huge truck to the church and praying really hard. My faith is almost as strong as my love for guns and beer and trucks. In fact, it might just be stronger. My faith in God has seen me through some tough times. You? Yeah, I thought so. I thought we had that in common, too.
See? I love all the things that you love. I do all the things that you do. I feel the same way you do about this country. I’m just like you. Heck, I am you. So how can you not vote for me, when a vote for me is really a vote for you?
Washington – Seeking to address the worsening U.S. financial crisis, President Bush said today that the nation could have the 52 cents he found on the floor of one of several armored limousines used for presidential travel. “I was going to use it to get some chewing gum or something like that,” Mr. Bush said from the South Lawn of the White House. “But then I thought, ‘No. I’ll give it to the Nation. They need it more than I do at a time like this.’ Plus, you can’t get anything good for 52 cents anyway. Maybe, like, 10 pieces of Bazooka.”
Asked if he was offering any further solutions towards easing the crisis, Mr. Bush thought for a moment and said, “Uh, no. This is it for now. But I don’t know if you heard me when I said the Nation doesn’t have to pay this back. It’s a gift. No strings attached.”
A reporter pointed out that with a U.S. population of roughly 300 million, 52 cents isn’t going to go very far, when divided up among everyone in the country.
“Well, what does that mean, I shouldn’t do it?” Bush retorted. “If you can save a cat in a tree, do you not do it because you’re…you’re not going to make enough of a profit? No. You save the cat. You always save the cat.”
The reporter responded, “Well, Sir, it works out to roughly 1.73 times 10 to the negative 9 cents per person, to be more precise.”
Bush responded, “Okay, well, first of all, I have no idea what you just said. And second of all, so what? 52 cents is 52 cents. You know what, how about this – you don’t get your share. Then there’s that much more for everybody else. There’s another 1.73 to the ten-oh-nine or whatever it is, to give to the others. You know, I was going to look through the insides of our other limos, too. But now…now I’m not so sure.”
National Protrusion Television (NPTV) is proud to announce its partnership with popular conservative radio host Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey. The National Protrusion will post excerpts from the show, which are also available as podcasts on iTunes and via the links at the bottom of this post.
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4-25 Henry "Mack Truck" Harvey Show - Obama's Supporters: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download
4-25 Henry "Mack Truck" Harvey Show: Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadBy Barack Obama
It’s become increasingly obvious to me that one of the reasons I’m not getting a higher percentage of the vote in some of the Democratic primaries may be that people are confused by my message - my message of Hope. I know it sounds simple enough. I thought it was a pretty basic, universally understandable concept. I thought people understood. Apparently, I was wrong.
I think the main problem is that Americans have gone so long without having any hope, that they’ve simply forgotten what it is. What’s more, they’ve forgotten such a word ever existed. As a result, they have no idea what I’m talking about, when I talk about Hope.
Allow me to give an example. A woman in Pennsylvania came up to me outside a diner, and asked me why I was spreading the message of the Pope. She said, “Don’t we have enough religion rammed down our throats as it is?”
I told her “No, no. I respect the Pope, but my message is the message of Hope.”
She said, “What? The message of rope?”
I said, “No, the message of Hope.”
“Nope?”
“Hope.”
“What? Dope?”
I said, “No, no. The message of Hope. Hope.”
And on and on it went. It should be no surprise I lost Pennsylvania.
So perhaps it’s time for a little refresher course in the meaning of Hope. Merriam-Webster defines Hope as “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.” Now, I know it’s been a long time for you, the American people, since your desires have been fulfilled. Believe me, I don’t blame you for forgetting the meaning of a word so seldom used in the America of George W. Bush and his administration. So might I suggest you take a moment or two to study up on the word a bit, and the accompanying concept. That way, there won’t be any more confusion about my message, and everyone will know where I stand. Otherwise I may have people coming up to me in Indiana asking why I’m spreading the message of Soap.
New York – ABC has announced plans to air a debate next week between Flag Lapel Pin, the popular symbol of patriotism which many American politicians wear on their jackets, and Jeremiah Wright Quotes, a series of statements made by the controversial pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Asked about how he sees the debate going, “This Week” anchor and likely debate moderator George Stephanopoulos said, “Well, I think Wright Quotes have a distinct advantage because they are already words on paper, whereas Flag Lapel Pin can’t speak. Because it’s a pin. But then again, it is a pin of the American flag, so it has the whole patriotism thing going for it. So it should be exciting.”
Philadelphia, PA – On the eve of the all-important Pennsylvania primary, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton told supporters here that if elected she will, “Not only catch Osama Bin Laden, but then I will kill him, strangle him with my bare hands. And then, once he’s dead, I will break his face open with some kind of instrument, and I will drink his blood to send a message to all the other terrorists out there: you mess with President Hillary Clinton, you get strangled to death and your blood sucked out of a hole where your face used to be.”
Mrs. Clinton’s statement was merely the latest in a series attempting to prove she is stronger on issues of foreign policy than her rival, Senator Barack Obama. She hopes voters will value her experience, and her toughness, which she focused on today.
“Senator Obama may be a fine man,” Mrs. Clinton continued. “But I doubt very much that, if put face-to-face with Osama Bin Laden, he would have the strength of character to do what I would do. Oh, he may punch and slap and that kind of thing. But wussy backhanded smacks aren’t going to be enough in this post-9/11 world. We need toughness, and we need the kind of fearlessness that I will bring to the White House. Would Senator Obama strangle Bin Laden with his bare hands? His delicate, slightly effeminate hands? I don’t know. Would he beat Bin Laden’s head against the ground mercilessly, like I would, until it looked like a…a cooked tomato? And then, would he be able to break open the face, and drink that blood? I don’t know. I just don’t know. With me, you know where I stand. I know how to break a face. I’ve made a lifetime of it. In fact, they once called me ‘Facebreaker,’ because of all the faces I broke. Has Senator Obama ever been called ‘Facebreaker?’ I doubt it. I doubt it very much.”
Washington – President Bush today proposed $3.2 billion in emergency supplemental funds to go towards the creation of new, more sustainable greenhouse gases. In remarks in the White House Rose Garden, Mr. Bush said he fears that old supplies of the gases are running dangerously low, and new development is urgently needed.
“We cannot allow these precious gases to run out, or rely on the fact that they’ve been so plentiful for so long,” Mr. Bush said. “The earth does not belong to us. Yet. We must take the initiative, and do what is necessary to develop new gases that are equal to or greater than the dependable carbon dioxide or methane.” Mr. Bush then unveiled the $3.2 billion emergency aid package designed to facilitate the creation of the gases.
But in order to reach that ambitious goal, Mr. Bush said, American scientists and others will have to innovate like never before. “It was an American that invented the light bulb, the artificial heart, the all-you-can-eat buffet,” he said. “Surely minds that good can come up with gases that burn hotter, are released more easily, and which do more irreversible damage than our current gases. I’m doing my part, getting you the necessary funds to address this vital issue. You must do your part, and create gaseous destruction.”
Mr. Bush went further in detailing his goals, while specifically addressing his opposition to the “cap and trade” system that is at the heart of legislation the Senate is beginning to consider. That legislation would impose mandatory limits on emissions. “Not only do I oppose such a bill, but with the aid of these newly developed greenhouse gases, I propose a goal of an 80% increase in greenhouse gas emissions by 2015,” Mr. Bush said. “I think those in favor of ‘cap and trade’ will find it difficult to make these types of proposals when they’re swimming in what used to be the ice caps.”
